God, this was supposed to start with me saying how much I love playing the Virtual Boy on the Switch with those new accessories. Long story short: The games are easier to play now with better controls and the screen/eye adjustments are much more intuitive, making it easier to avoid headaches. The plastic reproduction headset is fantastic.
Plus, the headsets work with the Super Mario Odyssey and Breath of the Wild VR modes, which you probably do not remember exist but, crazy enough, they do. So, I’m happy with my purchase and also The Mansion of Innsmouth, a previously Japan-exclusive game, is genuinely scary.
But I got distracted, so – story time! When I worked at Nintendo in the localization department (ie, The Kingdom of Heaven that was a mistake to ever leave so if you get that job do not leave), I had two full desks of personal Nintendo memorabilia that I had brought with me, including a couple Virtual Boy consoles.
In fact, you could say I was a bit of a Virtual Boy obsessive. And that fact made me do the stupidest thing possible in my first few weeks on the job. I did something that, honestly, would’ve gotten me fired at literally any other business.
The Virtual Boy Was My Childhood
You see, when I was 11, I emptied out my entire childhood savings account of all the birthday and Christmas money I’d ever received over the years and was just barely able to buy the Virtual Boy and one game. And I loved it. I adored it. Were the games that good? Uh… some were!
And also, need I remind you that I was 11. You could’ve shaken a bag of dog crap in front of my face and said it was made by Nintendo or Sega and I would’ve handed you my lunch money. That actually reads grosser than I intended but you get what I mean.
Virtual Boy On Nintendo Switch 2 Feels Like A Glimpse Into An Alternate Universe
Get ready to endure migraines all over again with the Virtual Boy on Nintendo Switch.
And, yeah, I understood why other people didn’t like it! Eye strain! Neck pain! But I didn’t have eye strain, my neck was fine, and any console that allowed me to completely block out everything else I could see in my horrible life was a positive in my book. And the fact that the console tanked actually meant I could get used copies of nearly every North American release for a few dollars at Blockbuster. Hell, back in the day you could get anything at Blockbuster for cheap. My SNES copy of Earthbound still has that Blockbuster sticker on it.
Anyway, back to Nintendo. So I was there towards the beginning of the 3DS era, which is now a very long time ago and makes me very sad to think about. Either way, Nintendo of America is an extremely welcoming place to work. It even smelled the best of any place I’ve worked in my entire life. And it’s a surprisingly small company so you see a lot of the bigwigs walking around.
But The Virtual Boy Had No Place In My Adulthood
That said, Nintendo is still a company. And at a company, brand new employees are not supposed to run up to executives and pitch ideas. Especially at a company that’s pretty, pretty good at coming up with their own ideas. You’d think I would know this since the job I had right before Nintendo was being a researcher at Saturday Night Live, a place that very much does not like people running up to executives with ideas.
But I’m an idiot. I loved Virtual Boy. And, at the time, the Virtual Console was pretty big on the Wii and the 3DS. You remember it. I remember it. We don’t need to explain the Virtual Console. If you don’t know what it was, look at the words ‘Virtual Console’ and see if the image becomes clear like a Magic Eye poster. And, despite being called the Virtual Console, there were no Virtual Boy games on it. And – wouldn’t you know it? – the company just released a 3D console! Perfect timing!
Two things. One: it’s actually possible to mod a 3DS to play Virtual Boy games. So, you know, if that sounds good to you, go to town. Two: I should’ve probably… I dunno… got a sense of my place or even went to my direct boss and said something about an idea that nobody I worked with actually had the power of executing because Japan makes the big decisions. I probably should’ve spent a couple weeks actually understanding how things work. Probably. Normal people do, I hear!
Instead, I basically jumped Reggie Fils-Aime in the bathroom at Nintendo. The bathroom. You know, the best place to start a conversation with a stranger. While we were washing our hands.
Reggie Fils-Aime Says Astro Bot “Almost Outdid Nintendo At Its Own Game”
That’s some big praise coming from the former president of Nintendo of America.
I stuck out my still-wet fingers to a very large, very powerful man who did not know me and said, “Hi, I’m Mike! I work in the Treehouse!” He was polite enough because Reggie is a great dude and was always great to employees. If I had done that alone to Lorne Michaels, I would’ve been thrown out of a 16th story window. The closest I’ve seen to Reggie angry at an employee was also me – but that was because years later I was on his team in a basketball game and kept literally passing to the other team. But what I did next was far stupider than that.
I then said – and I promise this is a lesson I learned and know not to do in the future – “Hey, Reggie, I have an idea.” Which… ten out of ten. That’s right. I assumed we were on a first name basis because… why wouldn’t I? He was wearing a very expensive suit and I was wearing a hoodie that probably said something like “Get High on Tech,” but we were basically equals in this men’s restroom where I had stopped a very busy businessman. Reggie! The Reg-Meiser! Reggerino!
If Reggie Fils-Aime Had Killed Me It Would Have Been Justified
He turned to me because he’s polite and waited. I then spent five minutes of his valuable time explaining why the Virtual Boy should be on the 3DS immediately and I said, I swear to God, “And I’m happy to help however you need.” I’m literally laughing out loud right now as I’m typing this because there is not a goddamn thing he could need from me or even anything I could personally do to make that happen. What, was I going to learn programming, skip over Nintendo of Japan, and put the roms there myself? Did they need some big brains to make sure the copy in Teleroboxer still works?
Reggie gave me a smile and a nod as if to say, “time to back out of this situation.” Which I instead took to mean, time to talk more about Virtual Boy! Did he know there were even Japanese games that didn’t come out in America? It’s true! Also true? I was making a giant mistake. Who the hell was I to tell this man the history of the company that he was, you know, running the American branch of? He said, “Thank you,” which is probably the best you can muster while trying to exit a room without turning your back to the other person.
About an hour later, I broke out into a sweat as I realized what I’d just done. I asked a co-worker if that was a good idea and they looked at me as if I asked if dropping my pants and showing my ass was the best way to greet Iwata. Clearly it was a bad idea. Obviously it was a bad idea. Dear lord, what a bad idea. The co-worker said I’d be fine but… you know… don’t do that. Maybe start a little lower on the ladder if you want a discussion. Maybe learn what everyone’s jobs and in-house responsibilities are!
So I spent the next couple weeks in fear of what I’d done. I was so worried because I knew I was so stupid. I was certain I’d just kicked myself out of the dream place I’d wanted to work at since I was a kid (Reminder: do not quit Nintendo, you will regret it). I checked my emails constantly and was waiting for the moment I’d be called into an office and get told that it was super inappropriate and I might just not be a great fit for the company.
That’s not what happened. Nothing happened. I guess Reggie let it go because he had busier things to do and it was probably such a bizarre run-in that he probably thought it was best to leave it alone. Or maybe I’m over estimating my own humiliation after an exciting swell of enthusiasm. So, yeah, maybe that headline is a bit hyperbolic. Sue me! (Note: please don’t).
But it is a strange feeling to be so passionate about the stupidest thing and nearly divebomb your own career with an idea that doesn’t actually make any sense and is based around a console that was famously embarrassing to Nintendo. I was so innocent. I was so goofy. I really do think most other companies would’ve put me in an airlock and opened the door.
So, when I say that I’m happy with getting the Virtual Boy back, I want you to know that I am the biggest moron who’s ever been born on God’s red and black Earth, and that is exactly why this product is 100 percent for me. Am I biased? Yes. Did that bias nearly get me unemployed by the source of that bias? Probably. But it was worth shooting my shot for that sweet Virtual Boy that nobody else wanted.
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