Helldivers 2 Players Were Unsuccessful In Their Biggest Battle Ever

I’m not going to do that thing journalists do where we imitate Helldivers 2’s uniquely charming dystopian dialogue and think we’re clever. We do it in the first line, too, because we’re just ever so witty. I’m just going to report the bad news as I see it: the mission was a failure.

It’s official, then. Helldivers 2’s biggest battle ever resulted in a loss for democracy and a “strategic contraction phase” to regroup and “prepare for the inevitable, unjust counter-offensive from the surviving socialist menace.” Remember, I’m not doing the thing. I’m not trying to be cheeky. I’m just reading from the script here, and Helldivers 2 scripts are nothing if not cheek incarnate.

You Died

“The liberation of Cyberstan has failed,” the bummer transmission begins. “The underhanded, subhuman treachery of the Cyborgs returned to once again steal peace from Super Earth’s citizens. The threat of a socialist planet-killer remains active. This is a grotesque travesty of Justice.” You get the picture.

But don’t misunderstand. You died for a cause.

If you’ve been part of the community for long, though, it might not surprise you that some players are pretty pissed about how this went. Twitter user Rich8606, for instance, wants to know where approximately 210 million Helldivers perished, because in their view, the numbers aren’t adding up to a loss. @PeregrineStrike’s outlook is dimmer:

The top comment on the transmission post calls the outcome “rigged,” and that’s been a repeated outcry in seasons past. Not to make light of all this, but perhaps we can partly tilt the blame in a certain turncoat player’s direction instead. Did… did they slaughter 210 million people…? What happens next is up to Arrowhead, of course, but the in-universe news release shines light on gameplay missions to come:

Good luck out there. I’m still not gonna imitate this.

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