I am obsessed with Achievement and Trophy hunting. If I’m playing a game, I will go out of my way to try and get each and every accolade, no matter how awkward or daft it is. I’m actually not as obsessed as I used to be. Before we were parents, my husband and I would play anything and everything just to boost our Xbox Achievement score, and even subscribed to LoveFilm specifically to work our way through its catalogue in an effort to achieve that.
For the youngsters, LoveFilm was Netflix for Europe, back when you had to wait for the company to mail you a physical copy of the movie or game you wanted, and then mail it back once you were finished with it. How times have changed.
While I don’t go out of my way these days to play games purely to ramp up my score, I will always try to get all the Achievements in whatever I happen to play. One of my favourite games this year was No, I’m Not a Human, and it had one of the most infuriatingly difficult achievements to obtain.
I say ‘had’ because, as of the recent Usual Suspects update, this Achievement is now much easier to get. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I’m All For The Grind, But Not When It’s Just About Luck
I’m not averse to chasing down difficult-to-obtain Achievements. Let’s face it, the harder they are to get, the prouder you feel once you get them. You don’t get bragging rights unless it’s something actually worth bragging about, after all. I will pump endless hours into a game and grind my heart out to get a single Achievement, even if it’s worth very little Gamerscore.
I collected every single item you can roll up in Beautiful Katamari, I bred every animal and every colour variant in Zoo Tycoon, and I completed every side quest in The Last Remnant, to name only a few of the most time-consuming Achievements I’ve ever earned.
But when it comes down to sheer luck? That’s a whole new level of frustration. If it doesn’t matter how much time you put into the game, or how skilled you become at it, and it’s just about random luck… well, then there’s no guarantee you’ll ever unlock that Achievement. That’s what it felt like with No, I’m Not a Human’s most difficult achievement, ‘Martyr’.
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For those who don’t know, the premise of No, I’m Not a Human is that the sun rays have started burning people to death, and so you have to remain in your home because by day you’ll die. By night, with the world falling into chaos, nowhere is safe. Over the course of two weeks – if you survive that long – you can shelter strangers who come knocking on your door.
Of all the characters that come to your door, some can be Visitors, creepy non-human beings that will murder the genuine humans within your home, and a large part of the game revolves around most of the characters being randomised each time. Some playthroughs they’ll be Visitors, other playthroughs, they’ll be human, and you have to test them and deduce which they are while trying to keep yourself and the other humans alive.
All of these characters have their own personalities and backstories that you can learn, especially if you choose to chat with them each day. And that’s where the Martyr Achievement comes in.
Martyr Is An Apt Name For An Achievement That Caused So Much Suffering
Martyr is an Achievement that is unlocked by speaking with the Woman with Glasses character over five days, and choosing the correct response in one of those conversations. There are many Achievements like this that require having a specific character in your home and speaking with them enough to prompt a certain scene of conversation. Seems simple enough right? Wrong.
The problem with this character in particular is that she used to sit on the sofa in the office. On the eighth night, the Cult Leader shows up and will leave three Cultists with you, and you don’t have a say in the matter. They take up the entire sofa and kick out anyone who was already on it. So if you had the Woman with Glasses, she’s now gone.
That means that you needed to get the Woman in Glasses either on the first three nights (giving you time to get all five days before she’s kicked out), or you need to get her on the eighth night immediately after the Cult Leader has dropped off his Cultists so you can replace one of them with her.
On the first night, the first two people who knock on the door are always the same, so you’ve only got one chance of it being the woman you need. On the third night, one of the three people who knock is always the Prophet, further limiting your chances.
Aside from the sheer luck of whether you get her or not, and yes, you can save before these points and keep reloading to try your best – I did this for hours on multiple days with no joy – but even if by some miracle you get her, you’re still not guaranteed that Achievement because of all the variables that may thwart your attempts.
You’re always contending with the fact that you might accidentally invite in a Visitor, who will then kill the woman in question, and you’re back at square one. You can’t avoid inviting people in because you need others with you to avoid the Pale Man killing you when he visits on the third, fifth, ninth, and eleventh nights. If you are alone, he breaks down the door and kills you.
You also have FEMA taking random people from your home. They first come on the fourth night and remove someone at random, then return on the fifth night and remove another person at random, and you have no choice in the matter either time.
At that point, you are given a FEMA notice to give to someone (meaning they’ll be the one FEMA takes next time), and when the Burned Firefighter arrives on the seventh night, he gives you another. That means you can dictate the two people FEMA takes on the eighth night, but then they also return again and take two people on the tenth night. That’s a lot of chances of FEMA taking the character you desperately need to keep in your home for five days.
The chances of getting the Woman with Glasses on the first, second, third, or eighth night to ensure you have enough days to speak with her, and then keeping her alive throughout that time, and ensuring FEMA didn’t take her felt nearly impossible. You had to be incredibly lucky on multiple levels to score this Achievement, which I ultimately never was.
Usual Suspects Offered An Unexpected Fix
The Usual Suspects update went live on December 18, adding 12 new guests, a new ending, six new events, a new dream sequence, and 11 new Achievements. The developers also addressed some bugs and issues, but in all the patch notes, not a single word was said about the Woman with Glasses.
I was racing through the game, making notes on all the new characters and generally trying to survive when I accepted the Woman with Glasses into my home. Imagine my surprise when I found her not on the sofa where she used to be, but on the armchair. I couldn’t believe it.
Such a simple tweak to the game meant this Achievement is no longer beholden to the Cultists, so while you still have to keep her alive and out of FEMA’s hands, it’s so much more achievable because, as long as you invite her in by the eighth night, you have enough time. This Achievement is no longer a thorn in my side or a mark of shame on my Achievement list.
It was a pleasant surprise to stumble across, but I was also surprised that the fix wasn’t highlighted as part of the update, especially as it was such a bugbear in the fandom. If you didn’t know, now you do. Go out, invite that woman in and hear her story to unlock that achievement. It’s a Christmas miracle.
- Released
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2025
- Developer(s)
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Trioskaz
- Publisher(s)
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Critical Reflex
- Engine
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Unity
- Number of Players
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Single-player
